Sunday, December 4, 2016

Life Update

A number of months ago, I wrote a blog post titled, "My Story of Spiritual Enlightenment and Personal Evolution" I just want to say,  this all-around sucks. I was not myself when I wrote this so there is a lot I want to clarify. 
I was crazy above this guy,  he broke up with me all of a sudden when I was ready to just talk and work things out.  Instead,  he dumped me.  In hindsight,  he was an asshole.  Sam was a fucking asshole,  and I was infatuated with him.  Here's why..
When he broke up with me,  he said that I texted him too much.  The truth is,  I had too much baggage for him and all these other things and he just didn't want me anymore.
In all honesty,  it was true.  I just got out of a long relationship,  didn't give myself time to breathe and jumped into a thing with Sam.  I thought I was fine, but I was filled with honeymoon phase and had all these dreams of Sam and I together.  I flung myself at him,  gave it my all,  with a totally open heart, and he rejected it. But not after letting me get carried away, over-nest etc. Etc. It's a nightmare.
Once again, I was very naive and the truth is,  he didn't do anything for me.  This experience was good.  I needed it.  Yes,  God placed him in my life for a reason,  but all that wonderful growth evolution stuff was me.  Sam was a mirror,  a tool. I was the one who realized what was important to me, and perhaps even more important, I realized what my mistakes tend to be with relationships and the extreme importance of taking things slowly and discovering my true self before deciding to share the rest of my life with someone else.
It is easy for me to get swept up by men.
Sometimes, part of me really wants to get swept up, so I let it happen. But it's not worth loosing myself in someone else and it's not worth all the heartbreak and despair that causes me. In the end, there is only one person who will always be there for me, and that is me. Don't get me wrong. People are important. Friends are very important, but people come and go. Someone who is important to me right now,  might be less important 10 years from now,  and that is okay.  It is not the end of the world.  Just as I grow and change,  so does time move and pass. There are wonderful things in each moment which to be thankful for,  and ever since I have been single,  life has only been getting better. Slowly, but surely. I am thankful for that. 

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