Monday, December 19, 2016

Feminism and Double Standards in society

Now,  women of the new generation have been protesting bras and as someone who goes to a liberal college, there is just a lot of new movements and conversations about awareness and inclusiveness of different cultures in our society.  Amongst the feminists and vegans and hippies of all kinds,  there are fanatics and those who are more mild or exclusive about the battles they choose to fight.  In most of these things,  I haven't gotten very involved.  At least not more than mentally. Going to Western has greatly shaped my identity. 

One thing that stands out in particular to me is how women who don't shave are considered unkempt and gross in our culture.  We idolize a sleek,  smooth,  hairless women and that makes me sad. I think it is important for women to feel empowered and love how they look and how they are.  How they naturally are. But in our culture and society, being a hairy women is frowned upon. To people in an average group in our society, it is gross. We are gross.  This is such a common double standard that it is normal. It is normal to change your natural appearance in order to please others.

So I decided to stop shaving. I shouldn't be doing something to my own body just to please strangers and fit into society.  It isn't gross.  It is natural. Natural can not and should not be gross. It infuriates me that women are considered gross in their natural state while men are considered more manly. No. I am womanly and I have hair on my body. It is a part of how I am and I am beautiful.

Seriously. This is so hard for me. I struggle so much with it because I feel like in most groups,  I am probably the only woman with all my natural body hair. I am not going to shave until I find a reason why I should which is better than the reason why I shouldn't. 

I haven't shaved since mid-october. I still do my hair.  I still wear makeup on occasion and wash my face with special soap. I do my nails and even pluck my eyebrows, but why should I shave my legs or armpits or anything?  It is the middle of winter.
It is amazing how much negative stigma there is against not shaving when you are a women. It is sad. Even I am not convinced that I am can still feel beautiful to someone else (that wasn't a close friend or family member) if they saw how hairy my legs and armpits are. Even I am not convinced. 

But I will keep doing this not-shaving anyway. This is an important statement for me to make because women need to know how to love themselves. People in this world need to know how to love women even and especially in their natural state. I want to be an example of someone who can feel confident in themselves and love their body even without altering my appearance for society. Natural is beautiful.

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Christian things

I don't like Christian things. What is a christian thing?  There are no Christian things. There are only human things.  Exclusiveness brews pride, and ignorance. Sin which leads to the worse sin: hate.

Saturday, December 10, 2016


My father is lost. 
I am a mountain.
My mother is a stream.

"Happy Place"

"What is your happy place?", he asked.

Upon contemplation..
First I thought of all the things that I do which make me happy.
Nature.. hiking.. climbing...
Shows.. Movies.. Gaming.. Reading..

Being in tune with myself is my happy place.
Listening to myself. Being in the moment with myself, and being grateful for the goodness of that moment.

For me often my happy place manifests in what is beautiful to me. Nature and stories. Humanity, Life. Life is beautiful to me. And fictional life (shows, books, video games) is more relaxing initially because you know that you don't have control over what happens even if you wanted to, but you will still be okay regardless of what happens. You are along for the ride. In the real world though, you get caught up in fears and expectations. It is hard to let go and accept that you most things you have no control over and a higher power is going to make life happen how it happens and do what it does; freaking out about it isn't going to help anyone or anything. If that higher power is mother nature, or a diety it is all the same. Believing and accepting that life is going to happen how it happens, when it happens and more often than not, you have no control over that and ultimately realizing that you are going to be okay no matter what happens.
This is the ultimate peace; the ultimate "happy place" within yourself, and this is how you ward off anxiety and life a good life.

No matter what your religion is; atheist, agnostic, christian etc. etc.. No matter who you are, learning to be grateful for the moment, and trusting that everything is going to be alright no matter what happens and understanding that life will do what it does, regardless of your fear and cares... is significant.

That doesn't mean do nothing. This is about resting, and being at peace with yourself and the world, not about giving up.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016


It takes a lot of patience, gratitude and humility to truly fast.

Why do we fast? Why do I fast?

Fasting is about not spoiling your appetite. In a religious sense, it's about not spoiling your appetite for God. If you abstain from things like certain food, then when a big meaningful celebration comes around, the delicious food is much more delicious and the celebration, much more meaningful.

Food tastes better when you are hungry. In my experience, eating because it tastes good only lasts so long before the flavor dies out and you find yourself eating just to fill something inside; for me that is generally stress or sadness, despair or loneliness. What I find in these cases is that what I really need is myself. Desperately, I need myself. Whether that be, to do something on my own, be nice to myself, do something I love or even get back to my tasks, projects, learning or working; doing something that feeds me, because I want to do it. That is what I need.

Fasting is not limited to food. Fasting is person-specific. And in the Orthodox Church, fasting is largely about almsgiving. Doing volunteer work or giving to charity is harder than most people make it sound. The truth is, if you are doing it right, you are putting others before you, not thinking about yourself.

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Life Update

A number of months ago, I wrote a blog post titled, "My Story of Spiritual Enlightenment and Personal Evolution" I just want to say,  this all-around sucks. I was not myself when I wrote this so there is a lot I want to clarify. 
I was crazy above this guy,  he broke up with me all of a sudden when I was ready to just talk and work things out.  Instead,  he dumped me.  In hindsight,  he was an asshole.  Sam was a fucking asshole,  and I was infatuated with him.  Here's why..
When he broke up with me,  he said that I texted him too much.  The truth is,  I had too much baggage for him and all these other things and he just didn't want me anymore.
In all honesty,  it was true.  I just got out of a long relationship,  didn't give myself time to breathe and jumped into a thing with Sam.  I thought I was fine, but I was filled with honeymoon phase and had all these dreams of Sam and I together.  I flung myself at him,  gave it my all,  with a totally open heart, and he rejected it. But not after letting me get carried away, over-nest etc. Etc. It's a nightmare.
Once again, I was very naive and the truth is,  he didn't do anything for me.  This experience was good.  I needed it.  Yes,  God placed him in my life for a reason,  but all that wonderful growth evolution stuff was me.  Sam was a mirror,  a tool. I was the one who realized what was important to me, and perhaps even more important, I realized what my mistakes tend to be with relationships and the extreme importance of taking things slowly and discovering my true self before deciding to share the rest of my life with someone else.
It is easy for me to get swept up by men.
Sometimes, part of me really wants to get swept up, so I let it happen. But it's not worth loosing myself in someone else and it's not worth all the heartbreak and despair that causes me. In the end, there is only one person who will always be there for me, and that is me. Don't get me wrong. People are important. Friends are very important, but people come and go. Someone who is important to me right now,  might be less important 10 years from now,  and that is okay.  It is not the end of the world.  Just as I grow and change,  so does time move and pass. There are wonderful things in each moment which to be thankful for,  and ever since I have been single,  life has only been getting better. Slowly, but surely. I am thankful for that. 

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Take care, my dear

Don't forget to let things go.
Let things go so you can grow
And make room for better,
More beautiful things.