Friday, October 7, 2016

The key to this woman's heart is through her stomach

Food

Food has been a reoccurring topic in my life. For many people, food is just food. It is there, it exists to be eaten and it is something we (as a first world country) generally have access to. So we eat, we live, and at some point, we eat again.
In my life, food has played a somewhat more complex role. I need it for my health, but also my sanity. If I don't get it when I need it, my blood sugar drops quick and I have a history of getting very hangry; moody, irrational, pissy. If I don't get the right kind of food when I need it, all hell breaks loose. It is a bad sight, so I learned pretty quick that food is something that I have to always make a priority. 
In addition to food (culturally) being an extremely important social part of my life, the lack of the right kind of food when I need it frequently creates an enormous amount of anxiety and panic in me. Eating nutritious, nourishing food calms me down in these cases and leaves me feeling at ease when nothing else ever could or will. After eating a healthy meal that agrees with me, I get a renewed energy and feel like I can conquer the world (or you know; my daily tasks). Eating healthy food not only keeps me from turning into a bitch monster from hell, but eating good food with others creates an almost essential feeling of stability in my life.

Now, you may have noticed, I have been describing "food" in most all of these cases as "good", "healthy", or "nutritious" and "nourishing" and no, I am not going to be talking about what diet is healthiest and best for you. Selling a specific diet is not what I am about. [Interjection: Everybody's body functions differently, and while I think universally we all need to eat less sugar and more vitamin-rich things like fruits/vegetables, that is the most advice you will get out of me.] The reason why I must reference my eating of food in this context as a "meal that agrees with me" is that I have IBS or irritable bowel syndrome. Yes, this is a real thing, and it really sucks. Having digestive issues and sensitive stomachs has always run in my family, but finally in the last 2-3 years, my symptoms and issues have gotten way worse. Hurray!

For me, the first sign of my IBS was chronic constipation. Then, a gluten-intolerance, and now, I have leveled up to the land of "almost everything will fuck you up haha good luck have fun, oh and ps: you now get muscle cramps and pain in your lower abdomen off and on, but pretty much constant". (Don't worry, my doctors are involved in my life)
So, eating is a struggle. On the upside, being gluten free has been a part of my life for near 4 years now so I have basically gotten the hang of it. :( It is very sad, but it's practically the least of my concerns now. And anyway, this blog post was not supposed to be about my sob story!!

The key to my heart is through my stomach. This is an important note to not only any potential mates (lmao) who may pop by and read this, but also (and more importantly) to myself. I decided this was important and noteworthy of a thing to post on my blog. The reason is I need to learn how to take good care of myself and how to be independent, and making/eating food is something that you just do; when you need to; how you need to. Our culture is built around this notion that you eat whatever-the-heck is easiest and quickest to eat because there is no time to do anything else, but for someone like me, that totally sucks because in order for me to be feeling my best self, mentally and physically, I really need to put a lot of real time and effort into making food for myself. 
It is the hardest thing in the world, and I don't put as much effort as I really should (as I noticed this evening when I had a nice anxious moment). So, among other things, food is a "cross" (burden) I need to bear and a part of my life I need to work on, and I need to remember to be patient with myself because it is hard and it takes constant effort and it will take lots of time. Right now I am in college, and I constantly need to reevaluate my priorities in order to stay on top of things. "Adulting" is new and foreign and terrifying to me, so it will just take time and practice. I can't expect results overnight (as I tend to).
This is also a significant notion/statement because, if you are a person who wants to learn how to take care of me, or how to help me take care of me, or how to not only relieve stress in my life, but have a good time with me, cook.. with.. me. I mean, if you want. If it is something you feel like you can help with and want to do, then, well, do. Mostly, I am realizing this is just one of those things that I have to face on my own and step up my game instead of procrastinating on practicing it, and running away from it because like most things in life, far away it looks much bigger and harder and scarier, but when you get down to it, it's actually pretty simple and even therapeutic and fun. These are my words of wisdom which hopefully I will start listening to and acting on.

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