Saturday, September 24, 2016

Things on my mind

I am confusing. I think too much. Haha. I was rereading a bunch of my posts. There are a couple common things that tend to keep coming up for me which I post little bits about on my blog which I want to list here.

  • my religion 
  • what makes it different from other religions
  • why does it appeal to me so much; what can I explain about it
  • Specifically, I want to talk about this idea of "bubble Christians" which is the name I have given a type of Christianity (a concept perhaps present in other religions too) where people only do christian things & only hang out with christian people. American/Western Protestantism has a lot of this complete with christian music etc. etc. Frankly, it sickens me. It feels so wrong on so many levels and in so many ways. [addition: The reason it "sickens" me is because I feel that you can not love someone or a group of people or a type of people that you don't know. Jesus wandered and talked and met with all kinds of people; the outcasts. I believe that creating an illusion of superiority within a social construct of a group defeats the purpose of Christianity. Okay, there is a big important difference between a community and something that is... what I dislike so much. More later. Pester me about it.] I need to figure out how to explain this at some point. Even Orthodox Christians sometimes get stuck in this mindset. Often I pick up on people getting a sense of pride for being orthodox because we are the original christian church. Okay, you can be glad. I am happy to be an orthodox Christian. I believe it is the true church, but I don't think that is any excuse to be noninclusive or uninviting of people who aren't orthodox, aren't christian or aren't even religious. [addition: The concept on what is "uninviting" or noninclusive" seems significant to me. The reason is because what I tend to pick up on and see is not that people are uninviting necessarily. If given the opportunity, they will welcome people into their group, but the bottom line here is that you can't be inclusive and open to different kinds of people if you don't go out yourself and get to know them. Different kinds of people aren't going to come to you. They aren't. And there is a big difference between going out into the world and "spreading the word of God" and meeting different kinds of people in an inclusive, inviting manner. It is not inviting to preach that other people don't have their life figured out. Hah. No. Okay, I could keep going. This gets into some good stuff I should reserve a place on a different post for.] So, I pick up on this "bubble christian" mentality and it bothers me every time. Super important topic.

This topic involves my unending curiosity for things like energies, spirits, other religions, people, science and kinda how it all works and falls into place.
Maybe I do have some kind of self-centered arrogance in that I am always trying to figure everything out. What is the truth. No, I mean really. The real truth. Science and all. Okay, how much of this can be explained by science. How much can be explained by my religion. How and where do all these other religions go wrong and fall short and when does it get into the realm of demons or evil and when is it still good?
So it is important for me to be patient with things that I don't understand. I can't understand everything. (pride pride priiiide/arrogance/self-centered)
Often there are times when I think the best answer to anything is just for me to turn to the bible and turn to the saints and read read read about it because all these people figured it out. How to be satisfied, at peace, and living a life of love. The only really important things, right? Many of them succeeded by running from the modern world and living off in the wilderness or at monasteries to pray. That is a style I don't want to do! It's not me. I want to meet and love all the people that I can in the world and in any place. Now, that's a challenge. Maybe it would be better for me to just take a step back and breathe and not try to figure everything out. LOL.
I am crazy. I worry and care so much and expect to be okay living my life like that. It's hard to find the balance between learning, discovering and caring and being at peace, not worrying, not caring.

Now this is a strange and significant thing. What is "Caring"? It seems we need it to be this true, pure, good ness, but it also seems to tear us apart if we have too much of if.

Okay, I am beginning to dig deeper than I was prepared to commit to. nopeNope. Bye 

Monday, September 5, 2016

The thing is Love

I am excited to have a thing
a thing that does not stir up anxieties
a thing that does not make the world end
a thing that does not disappear all of a sudden
a thing that does not have co-dependence
a thing that instills peace and gentleness

I could have that thing
a thing that does not tear you in two
a thing that does not beg of you what you can not give
a thing that does not push or pull
a thing that trust flows through and no fear follows

That thing requires a lot of patience
patience is a gift which has been given
patience is a skill which must be learned
But patience makes any thing possible
I look in the mirror,  I  see a pretty face,  but..
You can count the cares I have by the red dots on my face. 

Thoughts on Masturbation

Masturbation is a sin in the same way that eating an entire tub of your favorite ice cream on your own is.
It is a different type of indulgence perhaps?
There is so much wrong with all the guilt instilled in us from birth about sexuality.  Sexuality is beautiful in its own special way.  Sexuality can be gentle and loving and kind,  as it should be.
Why does everything have to be so complicated.
Our church says that is is bad because while we are all sinners, indulgence of any kind is a sin.  Our culture says it is good because it helps you relax and be comfortable with yourself and it is good for your physical health and mental health.
Our church looks at things outwardly.  That the path to salvation is to deny ourselves.  Our culture looks at things inwardly. That in the moment,  all we need to think or worry about is making sure we are physically and mentally healthy and happy.
Our church says,  turn to God with all your troubles and turmoils and anxieties and in Him you will find rest.
Faith.  It takes faith to find peace. Peace in anything.

Friday, September 2, 2016


" Don't get angry or annoyed
  Just sit and take it in, then give feed back
  Keep calm
  Listen more than talk
  Choose your words carefully
  Being patient is that "

— Niko Savra