Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Dear Mom (Today after school...)



10/8/2013

Dear Mom,

        Today when I go back home from school and I put on the kettle to boil tea. I saw that there was my favorite, special, TARDIS mug which was given to me as a gift for my 16th birthday, completely ruined.
        Honestly, I was devastated. I was really upset. I wanted to smash the mug there and then and rid myself of it's warped, ruined sight. It didn't take long before I was shouting and cussing and crying and asking God—or air— why people make all these mistakes. Asking, and pleading why they never listen to me when I tell them not to do certain things. Why they don't read labels, and even if they are just trying to help, they make things worse because they don't do it right.
        As you can imagine, this sprouted into a whole rant/speech that I gave to God about all my feelings and questions about life and sadness and trials and hurt and everything. About half-way through my rant, tears running down my face, I took the poor old mug and dropped it into the garbage can, whole and all. It is my mug. It was given to me as a gift, and I recognize I can do with it what I want. I could have broken it, and relieved stress, but then I would have had to clean up all the broken pieces which would be both dangerous, and difficult.
        Fortunately, during my speech, I was enlightened again, as I have been so many times by God. At first I was feeling hate and frustration, but now, I am feeling love and happiness. I am feeling a yearning for peace and forgiveness. A yearning so strong that I had to take the time to type you this letter. The truth is, I love you. It would be ungrateful and dishonest if I said I didn't. You try so hard to make dad and I happy, and although you make the same mistakes over and over again, you really do want to make us happy and you do try to do what is right. It's not about the result, everyone makes the same mistakes more than once. It's about the heart. Everything in life is about the heart, and with stress and irritation, anger, and laziness, it is easy to overlook that.
        I hope you can please forgive me for getting upset, and I hope you can accept my forgiveness of you for making mistakes. It's not easy to live life. It's especially not easy to keep good relationships with people. Especially when you are so close to them. Let's forget about the broken cup. It's sad, but many things in life are, and life is no good if you always remember them. I threw it away so we would forget about it. We have enough mugs to live our lifestyle, anyway. (and that's not the only thing we have enough of). I would much rather lose a mug than lose a good relationship with you. I learned that today.
        Please don't talk about the mug. Not even in reference to this letter. The mug is gone. It never happened. And by the time you get home, I probably will have something else on my mind anyway, and you should too (except that you will probably read this when you get home).

Sincerely,

Xenia

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