Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Thanksgiving

So here's my story,
I'm gonna write in poetry. I know I can't rhyme, but this is my time. I'm gonna write all poetically.
Just a normal girl. Hey, we all got our story, we all got our tune. Sometimes it's harder to find our beat, our tempo, our rhythm, but once we do, it's there.
Many a time, I feel alone. From the time I was young, all I wanted was the one. All I knew was that I wanted someone. You may know me. I'm poetic, I'm creative. Every ml of blood in my veins is creative, and full of the wish for peace, beauty, and blissful energy.
When I was 10, was the first time I really felt I knew love. It was a silly young crush. There is a lot one doesn't understand at the age of 10. All I knew was I liked this boy. I liked him more than I've ever liked a boy. He was one of 'those boys'. Lots of tears, missing him, butterflies.. That's the life of a girl 'in love'. I got over him.. Crushes come and go, that's the life of a girl.
When I was 13, I met a boy, I really liked him. He liked me too. I was 'in love'. He became my first boyfriend. I did love him. I still do. But that kind of 'love'/lust comes and goes. We never found our balance. There was much never satisfied and the connection left between us. There were many tears, and holes unfilled. Too much distance, too much space, and not enough communication. I was young. He was my first love. I did love him. I still do. We are friends. We were together 10 months. It was a good experience I don't regret. Life goes on.
Time passed after this. My heart felt broken, but it was never complete. It took me months to stop crying. Months to disconnect. So what does all this have to do with Thanksgiving? We all have our story, we all got our tune. Independence comes harder for some than others, for me, it's a struggle. There were boys here and there which caught my eye. Always with me getting attached, being 'in love'. Always just lust, hormones.
Last year was the year I started to find myself. I found my place. I found friends; my loneliness decreased. I found my center of balance. My independence in the world started to grow.
And over the summer I met a boy who just so happened to be there when I felt alone. And he showed interest in me. It never really became anything. I didn't let it. We weren't ready. It wasn't there. We were just becoming friends. He had a busy lifestyle, and lived far away. It was easier to move on.
And so my first day as a Sophomore at the High school came around. I was ready to make friends. Ready to move one. Ready to find someone, yes, that thought crossed my mind. I'll be honest, It had been 2-3 years since I had anyone. That was long enough for me. I'm not the type to date people constantly. I'm not the type to have anything that won't last more than 2 months. My own life is important to me. As much as I wanted a significant other, I understand that I needed to find myself first. But I was ready. Ready to meet new people, make new friends. Flirt, meet boys. It did take more than a couple weeks to adjust. Everything was new. I am a shy person. But I found that 'Pinkie Pie' inside me, and I took it. Embraced it. Now, I have met many new beautiful people and made many new friends. Even from last year, when I had one class at the high school, a boy caught my eye. Mostly because he was a Brony. He would wear a Rainbow Dash shirt, and he was cute. I always wanted to meet this guy, to be his friend. I mean, common, he's a nerd. Like me. And I make friends with every Brony. I've met 6 new ones this year already. As nerds, and a member of the Pony fandom, very accepting people. Okay, so let me un-ramble myself..
I remember, for a long time the one exchange of words we made were, "I like your shirt". The stress and pressure on myself at the beginning of the year was high for me to make new friends. That's how I find my place, is by meeting many new people. Haha.. Well, the last thing I expected was to fall in love. Truly. I say that now. So bluntly, and so honestly, "The last thing I expected was to fall in love." Everything happened so quickly. It just fell into place. His cool, calm personality attracted me to him. Everything was awkward. This is the point in this post, where I run out of words. The only way to explain this is in an actual poem. Let me just say.. there is no comparison. Of the way I feel to any other moment of love in my life. To any other crush. Any other boy. Ever. There is no comparison. And my whole life I struggled with the concept of 'Love at first sight'. Wondering if it was true. Falling in and out of love, in and out of believing in that statement. You may not believe in it, but after this. I know I do.

"I love everything about you :) Temporary or not, this match was made in heaven. I have no doubt"
There is something about human love. Perfection can't compare. When you are so close to someone so unexpectedly. When everything about you clicks together. There is no power in the 'verse that can stop me. No power that can stop us. When you can live every moment of your life in peace of soul. Peace that was given to you by another's existence. Nothing more. 
When every shooting star is just like another crow in the sky. So content, the rain washing away all filth and leaving the air clear and cool. The wind blows your face, your hair, but your mind is left untangled. There is nothing more that I want in life. If there is something more perfect than this feeling, I will cry to know and see that day. And pray, crying, that others feel that power as I have. There is nothing uneasy about this connection. Nothing at all out of place. My judgment isn't clouded. There is no sign of imperfection. No sign of struggle. No notice of hate. I am a careful watcher. A thorough thinker. Perfectionist. Every pebble drops, I take note, but when I see the love in someone's eyes. When I feel their affection without touch, I am at loss for words. I sound delusional. I sound like this is too good to be true. Like something horrible will end it all and I'll be alone. Because fairytales don't happen. Every bliss has an evil to make up for it. What is left in life if not love. If love is absent, there is no life. Evil comes and goes. But life goes on. Love endures.

So what does this relate to Thanksgiving?
The impossible happened to me.
Love.
Love happened.

It happened so swift, so calmly.
As it has happened as long as I've lived.
Love brings great joy. It's all I need.
"All you need is love"-Beatles
I know.

So Thanks.
Thanks for love.
Thanks for family.
Thanks for friends.

I am so content.
I am so at peace.
All because of love.
I have all I ever wanted.
I need nothing more.

Thanks God.
Thanks life.
Thanks liberty.
Thanks Love.
~Rosem~Sprig~

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