Wednesday, September 5, 2012

For J.....

One day,
crept up on me,
with my mind away,

Your face,
fills a void, unseen.
How can I cast it away?
yet I try to, every day.

I try not to remember.
How can I forget?
Such joy, as I hoped for.

You bring me something whole.
when I close my eyes,
you're smile illuminates.
When silence, I hear your voice.

I see your wink.
With my every blink.
you touched my heart,
and planted a bomb.
and now you're gone.

I go through my day,
but it eats at my gut,
then twists up my lungs,
'till you're all on my mind

gasping for air,
and exhaling a storm,
just so I can carry on,
not dying for more.

when wind in my hair,
when birds sing,
sky beckons to me,
I talk to you inside,

hundreds of miles,
my thoughts carry me.
away through the breeze,

and I hear your voice,
inside my head,
it echoes across plains,
through the hills,
and bounces off trees,
not a whisper, not a breath,

another exhale,
pulling back tears.

Why is the hole so deep, yet?
When so close to being filled.
When hope is restored,
it deepens and bleeds.
Tell me why.

I smell the wind,
with every thought,
action, in deep concentration,
trying to calm the storm inside me,
so deep so salty sweet are it's waves,
I want more.

But I fear it.
It screams at me NO
t'will never happen, never can,

another breath, another sigh.
so uneven are my words,
no poem is worth it's weight.

I realize I can do nothing,
but wait. 
That I can do anything,
but that.

Then the pain subsides,
a miracle, a wish,
only for a moment,
I can move as one. myself. me.

Only a moment.
The din leaves.

even more, I fear you've forgotten me. That my emotions, a waste, a mistake. Even more, I hate myself for wishful thinking. Why can't I be thankful? For those two simple days, when you showed me your friendship. Truly, I am grateful. I wish I could stop there. Leave it at that. But when you're mind follows your heart, and your heart tells you to wish. Ignoring it is a tiring chore, not easy to discard. But I have, long ago. Or did I? I shall never know. Time will tell everything. Patience is always the key. The largest thing I lack. All on my own for this one. *takes deep breath.. Yeah.. Pahhsh. I miss you.