Monday, January 23, 2012

Hypocrite

The thing I probably hate most out of everything in existence is haters. So logical, so rational, so... not-hypocritical is this. I made a Tumblr and my friend always nags me about how if I do this wrong I will be made fun of or if I do that wrong I will be shunned. Yet she loves Tumblr and is complaining that I never go on my Tumblr. Why don't I? Because I am bound to do SOMETHING wrong and haters will swarm me. Why does fear plague us so?? She says that one thing you CANNOT do on Tumblr ever, is be a hater.. Hmm, well lets see... that rules out... me an-- well, EVERYONE ON THIS FREAKING PLANET. Why is everyone so picky? I don't want a blog that I cannot be myself on and I cannot be myself as needed--in an interesting way-- UNLESS I am a critic, UNLESS I am a hater to some degree. And then, she says, nobody goes on blogspot (true! hah! I'm pretty sure) and she says: everyone goes on tumblr (true again, am I right?) Sometimes I wish people commented and looked at my blog and sometimes I am just so thankful people don't! Why? Because all that will happen is people judging, most-likely in a bad way. When am I ever positive about life on here? When will I ever not feel as lonely as the goshdarn Doctor!! I don't even care anymore! Stress just wacks me in the head like a baseball bat being held by Scout and I cannot handle this! I cannot be myself without the lack of social rules--of all kinds. Gosh my head hurts, the pressure of being the best in school, doing what I like to do freely, trying my hardest to be a bro to the guy I really like and wishing that things picked up pace, but knowing they shouldn't for the better--wishing he read my blog so he could see what goes on in my head and understand and enjoy it-- but now this, now tumblr, the internet. I am NEVER good enough for the standards of people like her and I just wanna let it out! Maybe she's not a good friend for me, but none of my favorite people seem to be. Nothing ever fits into place like they should! UGH! Thank God for places like Blogspot where I can get my frustration out!

~Through the mind of the pessimistic perfectionist~

Sincerely, Rosem

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