Wednesday, August 31, 2011

R.I.P. Mocha Jamocha Miller


R.I.P. Mocha Jamocha Miller

the time has come again,
to say an eternal good-bye,
the most unknown beloved,
a faithful, loving mutt,

her head laid soft, and quiet,
her golden ears still shined,
with golden brown sugar,
her stare emitted love,

no, I shall never forget her loyalty,
she never bit a soul,
she continued to learn, and listen,
everyday until her last breath,

I learned that nothing lasts forever,
no one forever lives,
but love will burn forever,
it's heat can never be extinguished.

And truly we loved that dog,
forever we will love her,
forever she loves us,
eternal is our binding love,
love is never a good-bye.

~August 28th, 2011~

The Band-Aid, a poem of love, peace, and hope


The Band-Aid

He looked into my eyes,
not a word was spoken,
his arms snug around,
we were surrounded by trees,
only a bird's song broke the silence,
if romance was so, this was so,
a pure moment of peace, love,
to coat the sadness and hurt,
now I want more,
to taste the peace again,
I want the pain to heal,
hoping the peace will mend it,
pleading it will, forever.

~8/21/11~
Hope, Faith, Love

Love,
the scent of roses
when flora is absent.
Peace,
the absence of war
when anger saturates.
Hope,
the vibe of wishes
too strong for words.
Faith,
the proof that the blind see,
that the deaf hear.
Joy,
the vibe of laughing devotion.

~8/23/11~

Terrible Metaphors, poem of early August


Terrible Metaphors

Sitting on a beach,
salty air surrounds,
lush green hillsides,
peace saturating my soul,

Sadness always comes and goes,
but peace sits very still,
when angry, peace will hide,
but when surrendered peace will come,
like a butterfly, when you're still,

the storm that blew inside your soul,
must soon extinguish, it will,
the clouds that cover the sky,
must always reveal the blue,

for the truth can be concealed,
but never can it fade,
the tranquil ocean's voice forever sings,

but it's song goes unnoticed,
it can be forgotten, unheard,
so, never forget.

~8-2-11~

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Summer Ends~2011

Wow, the day after tomorrow, I have to get up for school. 5:30. I'm gonna be a freshman this year. How am I growing up so fast? Anyway, this blog post is meant to be a reviewing post. Let's start with the specifics. I remember in July, I went to the reptile zoo, and I got to hold a beautiful corn snake whose name was Carrot top. I was with my Ukrainian sister Marina, who also held a snake. My Ukrainian sister Yulia doesn't like snakes, so she stayed away.
I also went to camp for the first time. It was a beautiful Orthodox camp, and I felt really free, and loved there, so that was a blessing. I did have some hard times though like when our cabin got pranked. Everyone really believed it, and even though I wasn't scared, I was scared for them, and when I heard them scream, the memory made me cry a half an hour later. Everyone was mad, and felt miserable afterwards. I made some beloved friends at camp. I remember coming home after getting a big crush at camp, thinking that it could be something someday, but he wanted communication to end, and for logical reasons. Of course, my heart was broken, and I cried and cried. But I picked myself back up again. When I got back from camp, an old friend was chatting with me a lot online, a few weeks later we ran into eachother at an old family friends BBQ. We met in the woods in their yard alone... had a moment. It was nice, and it picked me up again. It gave me hope that I was not a failure. He and I talked more, and hung out more. That's when I met his incredible friend. He's a smart, sweet gentleman. But seeing as how he's best friends with the person I recently had a 'thing' with ('thing' not being anything bad, but just romantic) I probably shouldn't pursue any kind-of relationship with him other than friendship. I really need to learn to not want to have a boyfriend so much. Thankfully, I am perfectly content with being single for now, and a while later.
My dog also passed away just Sunday. She was a beautiful, loving, loyal, amazing dog. But she acted like she was dying, or in pain; not eating, not drinking, not moving.. We took her to the pet ER, and they did an ex-ray. She had tumors in her belly that would be expensive, and probably impossible yet to get out through surgery. She was 11 human years old. So it wasn't like she lived a short life. In fact, she practically grew up with me. I was raised with her. Putting her down was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with emotionally. I woke up at 5 in the morning that night, crying really hard. I even woke my parents up by accident, and they came in my room and comforted me. It also hurt a bunch, because I felt like I wasn't loving enough to her in her last days and years of life. Ever since I'd gotten my cat, I'd been the kitty's girl, and not the Doggy's girl anymore. I think that hurt her because she had no one else but my mom who always gave her attention even to the last day. I even had walked her the week before. She didn't seem that ill, she never had, but she was getting noticeably not-caring about things like punishment, walks, food. her health rapidly decreased until she wouldn't eat a dog treat. Mocha, my dog, always fighting for food, not love, wouldn't eat. It was the saddest thing. she just lied down, and rested her head on her paws. Not moving a muscle. What could we do? She knew it was her time. I'm glad that she got a painless death, and a quick one, especially that we caught her before she got worse than that. I wouldn't be able to bear the memory if she was in a worse state before her death. But God bless her, and rest in peace Mocha Miller.
So anyway, all this leading up to the fact that I am going back to school the day after tomorrow. I hope that I will be able to get into the swing of waking up at 5:30. It seems pretty crazy. I am gonna be glad once I graduate that I will no longer have to get up at such an ungodly hour. Good-night, Xenia <3

Monday, August 15, 2011

Summer Vacation with two extra sisters

Having to share for me is something I've never done lightly. If I have an item that is worth a lot to me, or enough for it to be a favorite--whatever it is, I always hesitate, thinking, "Are they going to give it back if I loan it to them." when someone asks for it. But having 2 sisters from Ukraine is really hard. If you say no when they ask to use something, they'll assume that I don't trust them, that it's forbidden to go near that thing, or that I am just selfish and hate sharing. So, anyway, I had to spend a whole week camping this summer in a trailer that is made for 3 people. There were 5 of us. You couldn't walk in there comfortably without tripping, or being claustrophobic. Me? I was both. But I am such an organized person that every time I encountered anything wrong enough for me to flip. I flipped. When I flip. I don't just complain, I yell and get really grouchy, and miserable. Oh lord was that trip harsh. Most everyone was mad at me by the end, and I was so relieved when we got to my grandparents house in Medford Oregon because I would no longer have to share space with those messy girls who stay up all night talking in Ukrainian. They know Russian. I know Russian, but they always speak Ukrainian together, and that is completely different. They are so frustrating. Always trying to get away with things I can't. Grrr! I do love them though anyway.

It's hard being an only child that suddenly has to accept living with two other sisters.
But it's a good kind of hard.

~xen