Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Fallin' for him

Yesterday was the 4th of July. So far, every year on the 4th of July since I was ten, I have either had a crush, fell in love, or was in love. Of course, this one was no different. But worse, this time it was someone I swore was an asshole. All my friends knew I knew he was, and all my friends knew I couldn't stand him. So, once upon a time, I started to like him. I denied it, and denied it, and on the 4th this year, I really, truly felt for him. Today, he facebook messaged me. It started out really nice. He was friendly...sort-of. And at first I noticed it was starting to go downhill. The whole conversation went downhill. I have no idea what I ever did wrong to cause it. No idea how I ever 'backstabbed' him. No idea why he doesn't trust me or any of my friends. And absolutely no idea why he calls me a jerk who is just playing around with his feelings. He doesn't believe that I actually care about him. At all. He doesn't trust that I ever did anything but hate him. I have never hated him. Never. He hurt me so badly. It hurt me so badly that he was in such pain, and distress, and won't let anyone help him, won't let himself see his scars. He won't let anyone get near him. He has no friends, because he shooed them away like he did me tonight. He has had tons of girlfriends, and every single one of them has broken up with him. Not the other way around. I didn't even want to go out with him. I just wanted to be his friend. Just wanted to be friendly. And this is all a lie? This, what I am typing right now, on my public blog, is just a set-up to hurt HIM. That's what he thinks anyway. That any little possibility that I liked him, was a lie. I pray that someday he grows up. I pray that someday he will grow up an look back and see himself for what he really was. A complete, utter moronic idiot. He is completely ignorant to everything, and everyone with no social skills whatsoever.

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