Friday, December 17, 2010
I've been listening to Coldplay~Parachutes (the album) and Owl City~Vanilla Twilight. I can really relate to Vanilla Twilight and I love Don't Panic, Shiver, Spies, Yellow, Trouble, Everything's Not Lost....(etc...) I'm really emotional right now. It seems like my boyfriend only ever cares about sports and football, and sports. Its selfish to think this, and I probably only think this because I only ever see him on weekends, but there's other stuff too. This is also selfish, but I sometimes wish I fell in love with someone who came across as wanting to relate to me. I am an artist all the way. I love style, and love finding my style, and expressing it. I learned that he isn't an expressive person like me. But he doesn't even seem to have a style or want one. He probably will never read this either. Whenever he has free time, he's probably watching football. *Sigh.... I feel bad writing this, knowing that it will be public. But I feel the need to openly express these feelings. I still dream inside of maybe someday he will be able to open up to new things and find his inner-self which seemingly couldn't possibly JUST be football, I mean... Seriously? I know we are very different people, but I still love him forever more. I am an expressive person who can't get enough of the action or experience in life. Everything is too plain for me. I Love change. Another thing about me is that because I am an only child, I have ALWAYS had this deep longing for connection. And It's hard when you fall in love with someone so different who doesn't like changes. I would never want to even THINK about imagining giving this beautiful relationship up. That may be why this distresses me sometimes. I truly love my dearest beloved. And know I will forever. Not necessarily in the same way. In fact, not in the same way. But I will always love him. And this type of love I'm feeling now, is gonna last for a long time more. I refuse to give up. Not here, not now, and not any time soon. So don't think doubts will influence me. I love him too much.