Wednesday, October 27, 2010


This week has been really unfortunate for me. On Sunday I got a sicky feeling from my stomach. At first I thought it might be a food-poisoning type of thing. But after talking to a few people they said its more likely to be a flu bug. The only thing wrong with that is that I don't have flu symptoms like a temp. or the other 2 TMI(s). So now, I have no clue what is wrong with my stomach, and I have to just wait it out, and eat all of the foods that don't irritate my tummy (barely anything). Its not that bad, so I wouldn't worry too much, but that is one of the 3 Terribles on my mind.
The next is a bad-luck kind of thing. On Monday evening, after watching my daily episode of either Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Firefly, I raced upstairs. Now, we have a door at the bottom of our stairs that we always keep closed so that the cat won't escape outside through the doggy door... Meanwhile, I raced upstairs and slammed, I mean SLAMMED (as hard as I could) the door behind me. Well, unfortunately, my right leg was too slow to catch up with my running and slamming, and got caught in the door. So, basically, I slammed my foot in the door really hard. Now I have to deal with my foot hurting, AND my stomach hurting.
All day long on Tuesday, my foot hurt really really badly every time I walked. So bad that I rarely noticed, mentioned (or complained) about my tummy. Grrr to problems!
The main third-bad (and I say main, because there is always my klutzy bad of always painfully bruising myself, or scratching myself--again Grrr to problems--but thats just life, now isn't it) is the normal, teenage, missing-the-person-you-love Syndrome. I guess mainly because of how busy we both have been ever since school started (both being my boyfriend and I). (Darn you school!!) I am a huge time-lover. I love time, and I fail at taking good care of it, and using it. Maybe because of how tired I always am.(Again, with school to blame) Anyway, I really miss him, and honestly can not wait until he is done stressing over his Eagle-Scout project.

Okay, enough said.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Mixed Feelings

Why is it that when growing up you have mixed feelings? Mixed feelings about people you meet. Maybe about how you should act toward someone you like. How about toward someone you like, who isn't your boyfriend? Maybe you don't feel the same way toward that person as you do toward your boyfriend, but you still like them. If only things were less complicated in life... It is hard with mixed feelings, to have close guy friends, and a boyfriend, and not feel weird about it. And this is not the only, or least-hard trouble plaguing my mind lately....

There is my boyfriend, a wonderful, compassionate guy. He is a boyscout who goes to a different school than me. Although, we are both happy, devoted, Orthodox Christians (a good side of things). Lately, in addition to the normal 'having to get used to seeing him less during the school year', he has been busy at work as a boyscout, helping out a Monetary by building a Chicken Coop. Not to say that I don't love this devoted idea, but this means that I won't be able to see him at all this weekend. That may seem like a ridiculously selfish, stupid thing to feel terrible about, but I do. I miss him a lot.

Friday, October 22, 2010



Why? When I have you,
I also have the pain,
the pain, I get,
when your gone.

The loneliness,
that creeps, and crawls,
up inside me.

The pain,
The pain, my heart is filled with,
when I miss you.

Why? When I have you,
I also have the pain,
the pain, I get,
when your gone.

When your preoccupied,
your different.
Your stress,
it envelops your soul,
your spirit,
your charm.

I miss you.
Without your spirit,
your soul, or
your charm,
your gone.

I wish the stress was all gone.
Why does it pollute life so?
And why,
why, is there pain,
when your gone?
Emptiness saturates my heart,
when your gone.

And when your back,
I'll know,
and smile.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The Poet who writes Poems

Since I got this blog, I haven't had the chance to write a good poem, so I am going to post an old one I wrote, for you to hear.


there is a deep blue sky,
that I can't see,
a cool wind,
that I can't feel,

though I am in a huge crowd,
I see no one,
I feel nothing,
just emptiness,

A deep rush of sadness,
I wish that I could cry,
but I am so tired,
that I just continue on,

A rush of anger,
a sudden frustration,
and BAM!
I am gone,

you wish the ones you deeply love,
did not enter your life,
but when you step away,
a deep loneliness coats your skin,
your heart,
your bones,

I feel that loneliness,
that deep sensation,
and once I am alone,
I let my eyes take over.

A tear creeps across my cheek,
my face is wet,
and the sobs pierce my ears,
this is what it is like,
to feel that loneliness,
that anger,
that love,

But Sometimes,
you have to just forget,
all those harsh tears,
that crept down your face,
all those lonesome feelings,
that you wish you never felt,

And just remember,
there is always someone,
who you can lean against,
in this life god has given you,
and don't forget.

Created: 5/13/10 By: CIB

Wishing trees grew taller still,
wishing the blue sky sparkled always,
wishing the birds were always out,
wishing the animals all got along,
wishing that all was in harmony.

Wishing loneliness never came,
wishing rain didn't agree to it.
The sadness,
I wish it wasn't there,
when I miss you.

When I remember our moments,
of laughter and joy.
I wish, wish that all,
was like that.

Wishing my allergies,
didn't bother me,
after I kiss my soft, loving, cat.

Wishing my neighbors house didn't catch-fire.
Wishing everyone could feel the joy I feel,
and take pleasure in it.
From the wind blowing leaves,
past a bright blue sky,
to the sound of rain, pounding the rooftop.

to the sound of birds,
the smell of the air,
from October to December,
from January to Spring.
I can sense the sweet smell of the seasons,
it brings back great memories,
it makes me smile.

Just wishing, all the happiness,
and pleasure I experience,
could be shared forever with you.
I smile at the rain,
I smile at the wind,
I smile at the storms,
I smile at the rainbow.

After all those smiles,
you'd think I'd have no more.
But most of all, I wish,
that everyone knew,
exactly how I feel about you.

How it is to be in love,
how it is to hold your hand.
How it is to have someone to lean on,
whenever I need them.
That is why, I wish you were here.

Created: 10/12/10 By: CIB

Not Enough Sleep?

As a teenager, I should get at least 8 hours of sleep, which I mostly do, but not by a lot. I was really tired all day long today (as usual).
Well, until my friend couldn't take my endless, "I'm soooo tired!!"s, and looked me in the face saying, "Okay, what time do you go to bed?"
"Uhh....*chuckles to myself* Around 10.... sometimes 11. Hehe..."
"Psh!! Well no wonder your always complaining about tiredness! Go to bed at 8:30 like I do!!! Then you'd feel energetic like me!!"
"I can't!! There's no way I could be able to be ready to Sleep by 8:30! How about... 9? 9:30? Then will you be happy?"
"Yeah! Okay, fine, sounds good!" She said.
I should of stopped there, but didn't. "Well," I started to say. "Can I go to bed at 10:00?"
"Ugh!!" My friend replied. "Seriously!"

The conversation went on, and on, (and I won't bore you with it) until we came to an agreement. It was that... well, it kinda slipped my mind at the moment, but the point is that we came to an agreement.
Now I think I will try to go to bed earlier, and not waste time procrastinating! (Gah! The evil disease of Procrastination!) ~ttyl!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Living Life

a seed,
a leaf,
a stem,
a branch.
and another,
and another.
Life goes on,

And, I think to myself,
what will I accomplish?
Will I always be free,
to stare out through the trees,
with a hypnotic gaze.

Will I always be able,
to dream my way,
through the life,
that surrounds me?

I have enough love,
to fulfill,
my most important desires.
Enough love,
to sustain, any day,
with great power.

Thanks to all those in my life,
who have loved, me, and cared for me.
Those who have just been there,
to say hey, how are you doing?
I'm thankful to have met them.
They've helped me to find,
and fulfill,
my creative destiny.
A wonderful joy.

But life,
may sweep it all,

And when I'm done,
will there be something important,
some reward in my dream.

People who are smart,
those who may know,
what they will do,
to help this world grow.

They can receive money,
or something from it.

That will help them,
go on,
and live on with life.

But will I get that,
if I continue to pursue,
my creative destiny?

If only, I knew.


Today I was looking over my previous, private, blog, and noticed how plain, and boring it was. I Also didn't know how to change it on my own, and I was on my own. So, I decided to look up blogspot on google --having heard of it before--. I was tired of it, tired, and sick of my old, plain, boring blog. So, since I already had a google account, and didn't need to make a new username or password, I made a Blog account.

Now I am excitedly working on my new blog, exhilarated to discover what new things might be available to use and explore with this new blog.