Thursday, December 30, 2010

Confidence in me, and anxiety

Confidence in me: Yeah, well I've decided to be brave and try again. I can do it! :)
Meanwhile, If you have seen seasons 5 and 6 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, you would know what kind of relationship Spike and Buffy have. Spike, while trying so hard to keep his cool, finds that he is madly in love with Buffy. Buffy however, struggling to keep up with many hardships in her life, is annoyed with Spikes obsession for her. Many thing happen, and I am not going to tell you ANY! Because if you don't know, well, TOO BAD lame-o! Watch it for yourself and become awesome!
Anyway, so there is this guy, he is really annoying because he obviously has a crush on me. I have an amazing boyfriend. I don't like this other guy. But he is always teasing me, harassing me, or trying to prove to himself that I like him back. I am honestly sick of waiting for him to get over it. He decided to go out with a friend of mine after meeting her at a party of mine. I feel sorry for her. I can't tell her that I don't like their relationship because the guy will find that as an excuse for why I 'like' him. WHICH I DON'T. But also, I have to act normal, or try to, which I think I am failing at, or he will think it is a sign I like him back. Anyway, maybe she will teach him something before she realizes his true self. Ugh, I wish I could just go up to his face, cuss him out, and tell him he is unattractive and that I happen to love who I am with. Someone actually suggested this, but I am going with my dad's idea. I don't think cussing him out will work. Every time in the past that I have tried to stand up to him, it backfired. I am so terrible at thinking up come-backs. Grrr!

With love,

Wednesday, December 29, 2010


Life. It is so unlike fiction. So unlike fantasy. In movies everything has a certain straight perfectness, even if it isn't perfect. Life, never has perfection. As a perfectionist, this makes things hard. Certain things aren't as perfect as you want. I still haven't told anyone.... I ruined everything. I thought of it all in a certain way. I could have tried again. I didn't. Maybe I was afraid to fail again. I wish I had the strength to do it the right way. The way I have dream about it being. Oh I wish.

Saturday, December 25, 2010


Oh my gosh! It is so agitating when certain people *COUGH get all over you in insults! I am so sick of it! There is this dude and all he ever does is take the time to tease and insult me. No one else notices, but they ask me why I make it a big deal. Its one of those annoying things where someone doesn't believe that a person is as mean  to you as you say. They all think, oh your exaggerating, or oh your taking it too personally, or oh calm down!
Well guess what, I am far from calm involving in this situation!!
No! No! NO!!! I am NOT going to sit there and watch it happen as if all is merry. I am taking a stand to stand up for myself!
And I'm sure you parents will think it is unnecessary, and that if i just asked him to stop, or pretended it didn't hurt you, he'd stop, but he is such a conceded jerk that I doubt ANYTHING would make him stop!! GRRRR!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, December 23, 2010


All is well. But puberty is bad. I mean Grrrrr.. Thanks for trying to ruin my life puberty!! Grrrr...
Mood swings, are NOT fun. Whether they make me cry or not, they make me feel all grumpy and depressed. Luckily, I think I may be over that one worry stage/point in puberty. Hopefully I am.
One problem I still have though, is going to bed late. Hah! (it's 11:00) ... It's 11:00!!! O.O

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


Before I start,
*Heavy exhale and sigh!

Why is it that certain boys rush things, then are too embarrassed to simply hold hands anywhere near other people?? As soon as you get a boyfriend, whether other guys know it or not, everybody starts showing interest in you! Hints, guys never never NEVER get hints. Umm, my hand is over there because it wants to be held, not because it is comfortable!! Sometimes I just get so sick of boys!!! They are so..... GRR!!!! Plus, they ALWAYS forget to compliment you once you are their girlfriend.... It's like they don't need to be polite or show interest in you once you are their girlfriend. I mean, if thats the case,  Whats the point!?!?! >:(

So, when I first became friends with the boyfriend I have now, we would chat and chat on facebook every single day. Always sharing, always relating. Suddenly, there is no need for him to even think about his facebook. Maybe he is just a busy person now that he is in High school. Maybe I am just taking everything seriously when i shouldn't be. But whatever it is, I miss him. Thats it, I said it. (that wasn't so hard, now was it?) I guess thats just it, I miss him, thats all. I mean I could have said that easier, but Nooooooo, Xen has to be all thoughts, all feelings, all talk... HAHAHAAaaaaaaaaaaaa...... Oh boy... I think I'm going crazy, Bahahaaha!!!

Dear Dj,
I wish you read my blog. Maybe then, you'd know me better. Also, I wish you went of facebook at least one of those times I stay on waiting for you. I go on facebook, not to facebook, but to open chat and wait for at least SOMEONE to chat with me. Or.... you. I loved watching a movie with you today. Though I wish we weren't so timid about your relationship. [haha, half the time I was anxious about when you were gonna hold my hand.--glad thats over with-- ;) ] I wish I could describe in words how much I love and care about you. I also wish we could continue learning more about each other by spending time together. I sincerely hope we can keep this connection for over a year.
Love you always,
Ксения Василия <3

Sunday, December 19, 2010


Sitting all alone,
but not.
Always, all alone,
but not.

I cry and cry,
for where is my guy...
мояa любовь

I race in anger,
out in the frozen cold,
with your great gown of glory,
of beauty, of love.

Your dear baby Jesus,
sends me blessings from above.

Though I feel it often,
I am not alone.

Through my selfish desires,
I wish everything just right.
But it's not perfect.

My eyes,
glistening with pain.

This will pass, this will pass

You, my love,
my true love,
are more precious than flesh.

And I have yet to understand it, and learn it.

But love for flesh,
no matter how strong,
can never compare,
 to your beauty,
your grace.

For God, is always here.

God is my love,
he is perfect,
what I truly need.

No, none will ever understand me, you, us,
But you do understand me.

Whenever in need,
you lord, are here.
And you understand me truly.

I may still cry,
for the fear of the unknown.
But now, I do know,
there is no need,
and never will be.

Because no matter what the unknown may be,
and no matter what my choice,
you, my lord, will always be here for me.

Does peppermint cure depression?

Yeah, yeah. Just when i think I'm over it.. I cry again. Sometimes I just wish ppl got a clue. But I never feel like giving them. Even my parents noticed that today at church David barely paid any attention to me. He came over to me, all embarrassed to be affectionate, at all. Then, said hey, and left. No good-bye, anything. He never calls me, he'd never on facebook. And now, he is too busy to hang out today. I don't go to his school. I don't usually go to his church. He doesn't talk much... NOTHING. Everyone asks, "Do you wanna break up with him?" My answer is no. Though, I sometimes wonder if I should. I think I'll take a walk outside, or something. I think I shall read. Outside. All blehy... and maybe write. Maybe there still IS a chance of me getting over this mood-swinging session. I doubt it. It feels like the kind that will last. So far, it has.

Friday, December 17, 2010


I've been listening to Coldplay~Parachutes (the album) and Owl City~Vanilla Twilight. I can really relate to Vanilla Twilight and I love Don't Panic, Shiver, Spies, Yellow, Trouble, Everything's Not Lost....(etc...) I'm really emotional right now. It seems like my boyfriend only ever cares about sports and football, and sports. Its selfish to think this, and I probably only think this because I only ever see him on weekends, but there's other stuff too. This is also selfish, but I sometimes wish I fell in love with someone who came across as wanting to relate to me. I am an artist all the way. I love style, and love finding my style, and expressing it. I learned that he isn't an expressive person like me. But he doesn't even seem to have a style or want one. He probably will never read this either. Whenever he has free time, he's probably watching football. *Sigh.... I feel bad writing this, knowing that it will be public. But I feel the need to openly express these feelings. I still dream inside of maybe someday he will be able to open up to new things and find his inner-self which seemingly couldn't possibly JUST be football, I mean... Seriously? I know we are very different people, but I still love him forever more. I am an expressive person who can't get enough of the action or experience in life. Everything is too plain for me. I Love change. Another thing about me is that because I am an only child, I have ALWAYS had this deep longing for connection. And It's hard when you fall in love with someone so different who doesn't like changes. I would never want to even THINK about imagining giving this beautiful relationship up. That may be why this distresses me sometimes. I truly love my dearest beloved. And know I will forever. Not necessarily in the same way. In fact, not in the same way. But I will always love him. And this type of love I'm feeling now, is gonna last for a long time more. I refuse to give up. Not here, not now, and not any time soon. So don't think doubts will influence me. I love him too much.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

In memory of My Dearest Beloved

Poem in Memory of DJM, written 12/9/10

The stormy wind,
the pounding rain,
was once a lonely, weary thing.

The dark hollow sky,
now filled with freedom.

The empty world,
now filled with charm.

My once wounded heart,
now carefully mended.

My forever loneliness,
now draining away.
Because of you,
I live, each day.

I am listening to Vanilla Twilight by Owl City... Over and over and over again..... I don't think I will ever stop. :)

Thank you for being mine for 8 months. Happy Anniversary!! <3

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The wind

Here's a poem i wrote today in Science during a movie. (shh) I go the idea in Mr. Scott's class. (shh again)
During the wind storm. :) Here it is:  Enjoy:

The Wind

The wind, it calls for me.
with it's deep piercing scream.
My heart, bawls for it,
but lingers forever more.

The wind, it rushes,
through the soft rustling leaves.
It calls for me,
it screams.

Why are you there?
When you could be with me?
Why aren't you flying,
through my afternoon breeze?

I am stuck here,
dear soul.
I would love to go soar,
but my body is caught here,
in a net full of gore.

My love is aflow,
my body down low.
And my spirit,
it burns for the wind.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Descriptive 3

These are 3 of the poems I have written. But these I am sharing with you because they most express how I feel right now. The dates underneath them are when I wrote them. :)
Wishing trees grew taller still,
wishing the blue sky sparkled always,
wishing the birds were always out,
wishing the animals all got along,
wishing that all was in harmony.

Wishing loneliness never came,
wishing rain didn't agree to it.
The sadness,
I wish it wasn't there,
when I miss you.

When I remember our moments,
of laughter and joy.
I wish, wish that all,
was like that.

Wishing my allergies,
didn't bother me,
after I kiss my soft, loving, cat.

Wishing my neighbors house didn't catch-fire.
Wishing everyone could feel the joy I feel,
and take pleasure in it.
From the wind blowing leaves,
past a bright blue sky,
to the sound of rain, pounding the rooftop.

to the sound of birds,
the smell of the air,
from October to December,
from January to Spring.
I can sense the sweet smell of the seasons,
it brings back great memories,
it makes me smile.

Just wishing, all the happiness,
and pleasure I experience,
could be shared forever with you.
I smile at the rain,
I smile at the wind,
I smile at the storms,
I smile at the rainbow.

After all those smiles,
you'd think I'd have no more.
But most of all, I wish,
that everyone knew,
exactly how I feel about you.

How it is to be in love,
how it is to hold your hand.
How it is to have someone to lean on,
whenever I need them.
That is why, I wish you were here.


What You've Done To Me

I don't know how,
and if you had asked,
I wouldn't know why,
But, you've brought out my best!

I used to be a pessimist,
not too confident,
and shy.

But when I received your love,
my world started to shine.

I'd seen the world as a lonely place,
where everyone had someone special,
except me.
With my closed-mind,
I saw my close friends,
and never noticed the rest.

Now, I look all around,
for a new opportunity,
to befriends those in need.
Because when I was without you,
I needed one too.

I have recently noticed,
the wonderful gifts in life.
Just the sight of the sky,
makes me feel so light!

Like I have everything,
I could ever want, and more!
That I always have and I always will.

The only problem, is finding it.
But with you in my life,
it's found.


True Beauty

A dark gray sky,
greyish, whitish, blueish,
the chirp of birds,
a robin's call,
the quiet flap of a crow,

out of quiet warmth,
came a rush of rain,
pattering the ground,
like soft, heavy feathers,
but after awhile, gone and warm again.

A peaceful quietness,
the soft blow of wind against my face,
a sudden rush,
of blinding light,

the sun comes out from behind a cloud,
the clouds clear up,
a deep blue sky appears,
out of the once nothingness,
and happiness fills the air,

bees come out,
buzzing around the trees,
wasps, with their evil look,
land on wood,
to sniff and find,
a home to make.

Later a pair of sparrows,
flying with anger,
chase a crow,
away from their prickly nest.

As blue as water,
as thick as pudding,
as fluffy as cotton candy,
the sky looks down on me.

The strong wish,
that I could share,
the true beauty,
that surrounds me today,
and nearly everyday.


Sunday, December 5, 2010

My relationship

I feel very content, yet like it could be better. We have been together so long, and learned so much, yet we still aren't perfect. We never will be. 

Sometimes the 'he' in your relationship just can't get it right. It'll never be like in the movies. All perfect, all graceful. Thats something I need to get over. I know it, but I need to still comprehend it. Sometimes 'he' goes too fast. Or at all the wrong times. Again, I need to comprehend it. At other times, 'he' isn't feeling 'that' way when you are, and/or just doesn't get it.

However, sometimes 'she' (or in this case, me) doesn't get it either. 'She'/I may seem to 'always' make a move at wrong times, (even though more graceful than 'him') and/or never understanding quite how 'he' feels. Or understand him the wrong way...
Agh! Why is it so complicating!?!?! 

Also, how do you feel when your staring into 'his' face, waiting for him to call you beautiful... But it never comes... No matter how many times you call him gorgeous, handsome etc.... Ahh! They never get it! *sigh... I guess it can be the other-way-round too, can't it?

Btw, we still haven't had the 'first' (kiss) yet. In my head I tell people, "working on it" but in real life I realize it is something that neither I, nor he should worry about and that it will come when it does. I am just mostly worried that it will come at the wrong time, or a bad one, or sometimes that it just won't come at all.

Also, is it normal to have a relationship for 7 (8 on the 9th) months? People have huge 'things' about it when that happens as if it is a BAD thing. The thing is, when you truly like someone, you get connected to them in a way that is indescribable. I call it love. Love, devotion...yea. Well, some people think, "You are Waayy too young to be in love, person!!" 
And I say, " Its not the age, but the level of maturity and understanding in a person that counts."
thinking to myself: "Dude, YOU are WAY too young to be in love."
Anyway, I like it. Those screwy, faky-relationships that last 2 weeks are SOOO over-rated. I mean, Come-on!! Your not gonna learn anything or have any worth-while experience if you have a 2 week relationship. Thats just plain stupid.

Anyway, Thats my say for today about relationship-ness. :)

~Angelkitty out~

<3 U DJ ~And I'm not afraid to say it~

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Music Making

My dad found and told me about a website where you can make your own music with free sounds. Ever since, I have had so much fun creating and listening to music that I make on my own. It is really fun!!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Out with the Sea

A colorful world,
full of crystal,
and glow,
gleams down on me,
and the world bellow.

The sun shines,
and gets brighter,
all the while that I stand.
Then I meet a nice guy,
he grabs hold of my hand.
So we walk a long ways,
talking alone in the sand.

And the world,
it shines brighter,
every dune that we reach.

And eventually we get to a point,
where we teach.
We never actually noticed.
But then after we reach,
the world completely changes.

I look up into the sky,
it flies down past me.
I slowly close my eyes,
and hope it's not a lie.

I open them again,
to his blue, dreamy gaze,
my long, blonde hair,
blows past my shoulder.
I wait.

But then the tide comes in,
I'm not ready to leave,
though the furious waves,
simply shove me away.

We run up the shore,
his hand held in mine.
And we reach a place,
where we must say goodbye.

He holds my hand firm,
looks me straight in the eye,
and says, "Baby, I love you, 'till the day I die."

I feel stiff inside,
my heart beating fast.
I don't know what to do,
what can I? Leave too?

The next thing I know,
my vision is blurred.
And my hand is alone.

I dry my eyes,
as quick as I can.
And think to myself,
"Where is he? My man."

I race back to the waves,
now higher than before,
and look out to the clearing,
and down the sea shore.

He's nowhere in sight,
not a place in the world.
I fall down on my knees,
towards the bushed and trees.
My face in my hands,
and with a piercing scream,
I'm gone.


Just sitting here,
tears dripping down my face.
Melting into the paper,
of my undone assignment.

A clueless mind,
a saddened heart.
No one will understand.
They never understand.

Never understand,
how it feels,
how I feel,
to make a mistake.

This is how I always felt,
with a wet face, I'd cry and cry.
And felt miserable forever and ever.
Even when I was a baby,
I hated mistakes..

Even then,
I cried.

Picture Upload Testing~Facebook Find!

I found this beautiful mermaid on a facebook 'like' page about like Dragons, fairies, and other mythical creatures.. I think...(if I remembered correctly)


Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Justin Bieber

I wouldn't say I'm in love with him--although he is definitely dreamy--. I also wouldn't say I have a crush on him--although he has an amazing voice--. Justin Bieber is seriously talented, and to be honest, I like him. Things I HATE with a PASSION is when people make fun of him, and tease him, and hate him for stupid reasons. I honestly think they are stuck-up jealous ppl. The guys because they wish all the girls would pay attention to them instead of obsessing over a celebrity. The girls because they find it annoying when there are so many girls in love with him in annoying amounts. I have met some girls who have rooms coated with Justin Bieber posters. I have met LOTS of people who find him... "ugly, gross, a girl, a beaver, a gay wad, fat... etc..." I find that LOADS MORE annoying than the girls who obsess over him. Not only are they (the girls who 'hate' him) liars, (Justin being anything but ugly, and a male, and a human) but it is mean. He is a human being like any other human being, all celebrities are.
Anyway, I HATE the Hating of Justin Bieber!
Get over his fame! Get over your loss! And admit you love him like anyone else does! (lol)

If you know me, that last part was a joke..
Bye now, Xen

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Something to think about!

Something to think about: Its not the age, but the level of maturity and understanding in a person that's important.


Hey! and Filming!

Right now we are at Snohomish High School Library to film the Crabby School Librarian mini-video. :) This is gonna be so fun!! Get back to you later!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

My Beloved

My darling,
my dear.
I wish you'd come near.

My heart,
it longs,
yet I know better,
don't I?

I can't,
my sweet...
Oh my sweet joy and gladness.
I can't.

You know better,
just think,
dear beloved.

You know,
how we,
must take it slow.

Rushing into things,
beloved, can cause...
a sudden end,
or a terrible beginning.

Neither I want my love,
Neither you want,
Neither we want..
My darling, My love.

Yet I know how we feel,
it feels, to be in love.
And I remember your eyes,
your smile,
your hand.

I know how much we
long to express our love.
And we can.
Yet not in a rush.
No hurry, my beloved,
please no...

Though I feel I know you,
quite well, indeed,
and I know we're ready,
to take another step.

But with feelings,
you can't trust,
whether it's the right choice or not.
But we can hope.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Today I feel the need to write a list of all that I am thankful for.

  • My Mom who has worked so hard all through her life to help others
  • My Dad who has been a very important person in my life, and has worked very hard for this family.
  • My many many friends who have been there for me when I have a rough time, and been friendly to me on an everyday basis. And that I have so many.
  • My boyfriend who has been here for me since April 9th and taught me a lot.
  • My Amazing, angelic kitty, Lilly who has been waiting around the corner for the past 4 years (or so) to make sure everything is all right.
  • My sweet, adorable dog, Mocha, for giving me another family member. (I'm an only child)
  • The fact that I was born, and raised an Orthodox Christian and have had God with me all through my troubles helping and guiding me.
  • The fact that I have a shelter over my head, a comfy, cozy bed to sleep in, and many many clothes to wear.
  • I am thankful for all the opportunities I have and will have in my life to accomplish and experience. 
  • I am thankful to have a computer
  • a cellphone
  • To have a desk
  • To have many many supplies for school, writing, drawing, etc...
  • To have the ability to think up so many things, and to record it efficiently on paper.
  • All of the video games I have and enjoy playing: ...
  • Mario kart
  • Age of Empires III
  • Zoo Tycoon 2
  • Portal
  • Half Life 2
  • Halo 1-2
  • Animal Crossing
  • Nintendogs
  • all the other games I missed
  • For all of the game systems I play those games on:
  • X-box
  • Computer
  • Wii
  • DS
  • And for all of the board and card games I have to play
  • And for all of the misc. things I own
  • I am thankful for Electricity, Plumbing, and HEAT
  • I am thankful to be me.
  • And thankful for anything else in the world I forgot!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Dear random person...

Dear random person,

Everybody makes poor choices, and no one is perfect. Often poor choices effect those around them, causing them to feel pain. I honestly don't know exactly what happened or how your relationship was before then, but what I DO know is that playing people is wrong! Making someone believe you loved them while they loved you back, and then dumping them with harsh words and harsh actions (STILL) is cruel. Even when your provoked! Now, I will never freely or willingly accept a kind, beautiful, pure-hearted, spirited girl in constant pain from your non-stop abuse(as a result of her actions) Especially when she has tired herself with regrets, apologies, and sadness over what she has done. Not forgiving her and forgetting it not only causes you grief (for some reason) but it causes the person you once 'loved' a lot of grief, the person who only truly loved you.
I write this now on behalf of relationship issues I have seen, heard-of, or had friends troubled with them. Not only do the tears of her pierced heart bring sadness with a gloomy displeasure into my life, but I love her evermore and would waste away crying with her. Please end this.


Saturday, November 20, 2010

Not only friend's relationships/Random

[excuse the simple-sentences--really tired right now]
I've been worried about not only others people's (friend's) relationships lately...
A few days ago I cried over it....
But today I had my bf over. It reminded myself about how much I actually still do love him.
A lot.

I am starting to read the book Ender's Game. It's a pretty good book. Very different and interesting. One thing that really bothers me though is Orson Scott Card's fondness of sentence fragments. I mean, SERIOUSLY!!! It's not even only when people talk. Its in narrations too. Gahh!!!
Anyway...Really good book, and I am going to continue reading it.

Also, so glad that I've found time to draw, read, write-etc.... on my free time.


I need to get to sleep now...
Bye-bye! Goodnight!! Sleep-Well!!!!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


I was thinking, and remembering my old cat that I had once, her name was Angelina...
I wrote this poem a few days ago...


I remember that day,
I was in the 4th grade.

Got called down to the office.

I looked at my grim mom,
with a smile on my face.
And I asked her, "What's up?
Why am I taken out of school."

She looked sad.
And confuzzled, I asked,
"Something wrong? 
A fire at our house?
Did our cars get stolen?
A car accident?

I looked at them worried,
my lunch in my hand.
And then my dad answered, 
"Angelina, she's dead."

I wouldn't believe him,
No way!
She couldn't...

But I looked and I saw,
an honest, cold, gleam,
in his wet teary eyes.

Thats when I noticed,
my face was all wet.

My vision was blurred, 
as I raced to the car.
I set my lunch down and I buckled my seat,
and remembered...

her soft, white fur...
with blotches of color.
A little black,
a little red,
she was a calico...

Angelina, I cried!
No, it can't be!

My heart beated fast, 
and yet felt hollow and dead..
and remembered a day...
when I cried on the floor.
Angelina came up to me,
meowed, and moved on.

That cat was a character,
had had strength,

She didn't observe us,
yet she knew we were there.
She hardly knew us,
yet loved us with care.

I'll never forget her,
and even to this day,
I take time to remember,
a beauty, and gift.

My Adorable Kitty, Lilly

I go to the bathroom and shut the door. Right as I sit down, my adorable cat, Lilly crawls out of the box that is sitting over the heater vent on the floor.
I say to her in a fond voice, "What is your problem? This is where we crap, not sleep, silly cat!......Well, I guess that was a pretty smart idea, but still!!"

I love my kitty she's a sweetheart. There is no way I could ever find a more social, loving, devoted cat, EVER!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

This 4 day weekend

"Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas." Or should I say... Its beginning to feel a lot like Christmas. Either way, you get my point across that Christmas time is coming near!! I'm really excited and all... But thats not what I came on to talk about.
Anyway, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday have come and gone. Luckily, I did very memorable, or 'productive' things during those days. Hopefully Sunday will be a grand finale! A nice twist, or happy, friendly, exciting excitement. Uhhh.... BETTER YET!!!!!
On Sunday, I am firstly planning to visit St. Spiridons Orthodox cathedral for Liturgy in the morn. Then, I might go to the coffee place down the street with my bf. And maybe hit REI. That would be cool. However, I am feeling this is all getting rather dull... I need sometime great... something... BOOM!! Gahh... Hate to say it, but sometimes *cough can get kinda boring. He's not a very expressive person, nor an adventurer, or try-new-things person... Oh well, nobody's perfect. ;) Anyway, EVERYBODY gets boring sometimes. Even me, well.... yea! Haha.... ohhh I'm so terrible... I wonder sometimes how God can forgive all my numerous sins... *Sigh....

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Young Poets Club

I was thinking one day, (rather a usual activity) when I thought of the idea of a young poets club where a group of young poets I know would get together at my house every once-in-a-while to share poems we wrote and socialize. :) If you like my idea, know me, are a poet, and are interested in joining the club, put your FIRST name in the comments. Thx! :)



I've been listening to Paramore's old album, Riot lately (New for me, old for them). I Love it soooo much!!! Like one of the songs from the album is stuck in my head every day! Oh my gosh!!! I LOVE Paramore!! Its crazy, but Paramore is the only band that I have fallen in love with this much for such a long time.
Okay, with that said, tttyl!!

Saturday, November 6, 2010


Assuming little or no one I know reads my blog, I post basically anything and everything important on my mind whether or not it will cause judgement, rumors, gossip, or offences. Therefore, I am terribly sorry if I know you, and you become offended... but have no part in it. You have been warned! ~Thank you~

Life is so Complicated
Why is life so complicated?
You love this while I love that.
You conceal it,
I express it,

All these things,
just add to it.

All these things,
just add to it,
add to life.

Why is life so complicated?
You hate that while I love this.
You agree to it.
I discourage it.

All these things,
just add to it.

All these things,
just add to it,
add to life.

When I'm excited,
your all nervous.
When I'm outgoing,
your all shy.

Why is life so complicated?
You feel this while I feel that.
I enjoy it,
You ignore it.

Are we really meant to be,
I was gonna wait to see...
And now,
like other times,
I think maybe not.

Can you see?

I wish when I saw you,
I knew who you were.
I wish you were social,
I wish you agreed.

But when I first saw you,
my mind just went blank.
It was love at first sight,
I was sure, I was sure.

And now that I know you,
I wish everyday.
That you understood,
 the most important thing to me.

If you truly know me,
You'd know,
what I need.

And at first I thought you had it,
but now I really see.
Your not all that social,
you don't like to agree.
How can you know me,
without trying to see?

And now that I reread over the poems I wrote tonight..... I realize how much I felt lonely, separate, and away from him. I think everybody does sometimes. Everybody has doubting days. And everybody gets through them in one way or another. But I think the best way is to not back out, and to work through them. (Or write a poem to share with strangers about how you feel to get it out of you.) Good-day, and good-night. Remember to set your clocks back an hour if you live in this area. ~Bye4now....

Our Creative Energy

the time,
flying out my ears.
My life,
moving on....

The importance of creative energy,
the arts...
They are what make the world spin.

Though God,
is what made them,
be here for us,
in the first place.

Pay we little attention to this?
Do we consider,
our God's responsibility for our wonderful life?

the time,
flying out my ears.
My life,
moving on...

Do we,
as people,
as citizens of God...
as God's people...

Do we,
have the creative energy,
to accomplish,
something wonderful,
in life?

God's creative energy,
makes the world spin.
For this I know.

For the greatest men,
were artists, pure,
through and through.
Benjamin Franklin, George Washington...
Mozart, Tchaikovsky.

And for the greatest men,
accomplish much.

Through Creative Energy. 

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

True Freedom

The Hymns in my ears,
such a joyous song.
As if surrounded by angels,
with the freedom of love.

The incense, as smoke,
surrounds all of the saints.
With gold-crested halos, they watch over me.

The same freedom, same joy, same beauty,
I feel, when I look into a sunset,
at cloud, at the sky.
That same freedom, and wonder is held in a church.
A simple structure, beholding magnificent power.

I remember the incense, the smell, the clouds,
and the sun shining through a window,
in the alter.
I think of the people, I meet in this world,
and wonder how they would feel,
in the presence of God. 

Gone with the Wind

Gone with the wind,
my love,
you are.

Gone with the wind,
taken, unfairly,
my love,
you are.

Though I miss you dearly,
I still carry on...
With this weight on my back,
with this weight on my mind,
with your weight on my heart,
I burn.

The sweet drips from my forehead,
though I feel no drip.

My heart throbs with blood,
the pound through my veins.
No pulse.

I think up all wonders,
all thoughts,
all feeling.
I enclose them inside me,
though they're free.

With no sweat down my forehead,
no pulse,
no thoughts,
I explode with great power,
no fury,
no guts.

Help me! I cry,
with my arm on my head.
I want to be taken,
away from all pain,
back to the dreamworld,
to live with no restrain.


*low whisper

Gone with the wind,
my love,
you are.

Gone with the wind....

Taken unfairly,
my love,
you are.

Gone with the wind....

Wednesday, October 27, 2010


This week has been really unfortunate for me. On Sunday I got a sicky feeling from my stomach. At first I thought it might be a food-poisoning type of thing. But after talking to a few people they said its more likely to be a flu bug. The only thing wrong with that is that I don't have flu symptoms like a temp. or the other 2 TMI(s). So now, I have no clue what is wrong with my stomach, and I have to just wait it out, and eat all of the foods that don't irritate my tummy (barely anything). Its not that bad, so I wouldn't worry too much, but that is one of the 3 Terribles on my mind.
The next is a bad-luck kind of thing. On Monday evening, after watching my daily episode of either Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Firefly, I raced upstairs. Now, we have a door at the bottom of our stairs that we always keep closed so that the cat won't escape outside through the doggy door... Meanwhile, I raced upstairs and slammed, I mean SLAMMED (as hard as I could) the door behind me. Well, unfortunately, my right leg was too slow to catch up with my running and slamming, and got caught in the door. So, basically, I slammed my foot in the door really hard. Now I have to deal with my foot hurting, AND my stomach hurting.
All day long on Tuesday, my foot hurt really really badly every time I walked. So bad that I rarely noticed, mentioned (or complained) about my tummy. Grrr to problems!
The main third-bad (and I say main, because there is always my klutzy bad of always painfully bruising myself, or scratching myself--again Grrr to problems--but thats just life, now isn't it) is the normal, teenage, missing-the-person-you-love Syndrome. I guess mainly because of how busy we both have been ever since school started (both being my boyfriend and I). (Darn you school!!) I am a huge time-lover. I love time, and I fail at taking good care of it, and using it. Maybe because of how tired I always am.(Again, with school to blame) Anyway, I really miss him, and honestly can not wait until he is done stressing over his Eagle-Scout project.

Okay, enough said.