In choirs my whole life (high school before this point) there was always something between singers where some people were "in" and others were "out". I have been trying to wrap my head around it. I used to blame myself for doing something off-putting or maybe isolating myself somehow from others for why I just didn't click with the "in" group of singers, or for even simply having a hard time getting to know other singers on a personal level at all. Maybe there is some kind of blind, immature rivalry there, but as you get older, I realized that there is a mental block of an impression that people get of others who appear more talented than them. The insecure feel jealous. Even I have.
But today I was struck with something someone said to me, comparing two choirs (as if that was beneficial or necessary for anyone). Members of Concert choir *are* talented, many even farther ahead in their vocal growth than those in ATC. But being someone who knows some of them at least more than a complete outsider, I know that they work their asses off to be that way and they deserve the recognition of being in a prestigious choir. Everyone is at their own place vocally and that shouldn't be thought of in terms of "who is better right now", but in terms of "where can we get to" and "where have we been". Concert Choir should be a motivation and an inspiration to those of us who aren't there yet with our voice. There's no sense to compare apples to oranges. Everyone sucked at something at some point in their life.
As someone who has dipped my foot in the waters of a musical education and vocal training, I realized that I have a hard time not being in the most advanced choir, because I know I am capable of it, but I spread myself too thin and as a result, end up not pushing myself as far as I really could and want to musically. But today, I also realized that I am going to be a scientist, and while many of these amazing people may go on to perform in fantastic operas, I get to go out into the middle of nowhere and do field work. These are both beautiful things and everyone has their own journey. It's uplifting to give yourself a break and stop comparing yourself to those around you. I may have a harder time getting to know the other singers because I am simply not at the music building as much as students who are majoring in music. But, this is okay. If friendships are meant to happen, they will happen. Worrying about your self-worth or the process behind making friendships only delays the process of them actually happening. I love music and I admire these students so much. I always want to get to know them better, and wonder what it would be like to be in their shoes, but we are all students and busy as heck. If someone doesn't always say hi to you, that doesn't mean anything about you. 90% of the time, people are in their own heads, and focused on their own tasks.
I wrote this for myself but I hope other people can gain some appreciation from it as well. It was a really important topic for me because I have always felt very split between the two departments and felt like I had to cling on to the music department.